Still waiting, yet inching forward...

Wow! It has been several weeks since my last post! We have been in a waiting game for the past 2 months. Many of our friends and family have been asking where we are in the process and "how are things going?" My reply was often, "there isn't much to tell, just waiting on our home study report." While my nature wants to get frustrated at the time line and think "2 months is a long time to wait for just the written report", my heart reminds me that this process is not going to happen according to my timeline. From the time we finished our paperwork, this process is completely out of our hands. I can find rest in knowing that, but I battle my nature over wanting to hurry things along.

At this point in time, I can really see The Lord teaching us patience. Patience is a very difficult attribute to have in this day and age. We live in a world of fast pace. We speed to get from point A to point B (you all know you do it, even if it's only 5 over the speed limit), we get irritated if we wait more than 5 minutes in a shopping line, we even change our dinner plans if the restaurant we choose has too long a waiting line and don't get me started about sitting in a doctor's waiting room! Let's face it, human nature hates to "wait"! I say all of this to remind myself that impatience is a love for self and a lack of faith; at least in my situation. I am not believing that The Lord is in control of how and when we will bring a baby home. I am not believing that He has called us to adopt and He already knows how this story will play out. I am centered on my own selfish desire that I want things to happen now! -oh me of little faith! The good news though is that even when I find myself here, I am reminded of the gospel. I am reminded of my undoubted need for a Savior-to rescue me from myself. Jesus has done that very thing for me, and so I can admit my faults and rest in His completed work. This adoption journey is not just about receiving a baby, it is also teaching me about my identity and who I am as an adopted child of The King! This has been what's been going on in my heart during the last couple weeks on our journey. If you follow my blog, you will read the good and the bad.  I want to be open, honest and real with this experience.

Now for the good, our home study report is finished! We are picking up our copies today and can move forward. Our next step is to send out our family profiles and apply to a few recommended agencies.

 The waiting is not over, we are entering a new waiting phase- waiting to be chosen. I know the last 2 months were only preparing us for this next phase. Waiting to be chosen is going to be an emotional time and we can very easily fall back into our selfish nature of "wanting things to happen now". Our profile book (pictured above) will be shown to pregnant women who are wanting to make an adoption plan for their baby. Oh, how I have a heart for these women, their stories and their reason for adoption; no matter why they decide to do it, they are choosing life! We will be notified of when our profile is shown. We will also be notified of the answer that may often come as- NO. This time can be short or long. It is out of our hands and so we wait!

working in the waiting...

Well folks, the paperwork is done!!! Whew...so glad that is over with! The home study is just about complete. We had our final "in-home visit" last week and while it was a little nerve wrecking to sit and answer such detailed questions on the spot, overall, it went quite well! I have to brag on my dear husband for a minute- Tricia, our social worker, asked some very difficult questions and when I hesitated with an answer, there was Phillip stepping up with responses that had me smiling from ear to ear; not to mention, he even surprised the social worker. She often replied with "excellent answer"! I couldn't be more proud of how he rocked that interview! We are now waiting on Tricia to finish writing the study and then we enter the waiting period! 

 Since it was before Christmas that I posted last, I wanted to share some of the awesome gifts we received this year! We received our first items for baby Merritt- first outfit from our Colorado family and first book from a sweet new friend from work! Thank you so much Bryan & Carmen Merritt and Summer Dean for your thoughtfulness!

It is starting to get real that hopefully by Christmas 2015, we will have a new member of our family. This is a time of great anticipation! We are excited to see how The Lord works in bringing this child into our lives. We know that there is the potential for great heartache, but, also great joy! We are completely depending on our Sovereign Lord to work. If we depend on ourselves, we could not get through this and would fail miserably! The Lord has already provided so many resources in the many friends that have done this before us. They have loads of knowledge and advice to share! We also have a wonderful counselor in our consultant Susan, who is there to guide us step by step along the way. We are so thankful for these people in our lives that we can lean on when times get tough and who can relate in our joys!

As we enter this time of waiting, it is easy to get caught up in the "time"- Is it going to be short? Is it going to be long? How long? What if it is very long? It will be easy to become discontent and try on our own to do things our own way to speed things up. It will be easy to settle for what we may not be comfortable with because, well, "It's taking too long"; on the other hand, if the waiting period is short, it will be easy to get overwhelmed and worry that we are not prepared. These are all things that we struggle with because we are human and we are weak. I am thankful that our Lord knows that and He has given us His word to cling to in times like these!  Here are a few verses that we will have posted around our house to remind us of His great love and promises.

Isaiah 41:10 Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Psalm 34:18 The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit.

Psalm 37:7 Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him...

Galatians 4:4-5 But when the fullness of time had come, God sent forth his Son, born of woman, born under the law, to redeem those who were under the law, so that we might receive adoption as sons.

The story of Hannah-1Samuel 1:27 For this child I prayed, and the Lord has granted me my petition that I made to Him.

*Side note- The title of my blog post comes from a song that is often in my thoughts and a song I refer to often when in need of encouragement. It you have never heard it, check out "Sovereign Over Us" by Aaron Keyes.

Until  next time...

The Home Study

AAHHH!! The mountain of paperwork we were warned about! It's been two months since we committed to this journey and we are still trying to find the time to finish the home study!

The first big hurdle to really getting this adoption process going is the home study! We cannot move forward until we have been investigated and approved by a licensed social worker. This is the part of the journey that takes a lot of effort on our part. There is what seems to be an endless amount of paperwork: obtaining documents, photos, background checks, fingerprints, physicals, ect. (you name it... they want it) and trying to find the time to get it all done is very frustrating! 

The part of the home study that is most nerve wrecking is the fact that our lives are COMPLETELY exposed! We are working closely with a social worker (who is a very easy-going and kind woman) but, she has to know just about every detail of our lives. We have been asked questions about how we were raised? what our finances look like? what our marriage is like? what our debt looks like? what our future plans are? what our home is like- yes, she will even be coming to inspect our home! We are very grateful to have such a compassionate social worker and by God's providence, we have mutual friends which help ease the intimidation factor.

We understand the importance of being thorough with making sure we are qualified to parent and care for a child. We would not expect a child to be handed over to just anyone. We want to be as open and transparent as possible, but it is very humbling to have someone dig so intimately into your life!

 We are hoping to be completely finished with the home study by the end of the year. Once the home study is complete, we will move forward with adoption agencies and into the waiting pool. Oh, and our family profile book is just about ready. Can't wait to share what a great job our consultant, Susan, did with that!

Until next time...

An Unexpected Journey

People commonly talk about "when I have children..." or "one day my child..." but not many people speak in terms of "If I have children..." or  "what if I can't have children". We, as a society, are taught to expect the norm, to expect the way things should be according to what society deems "normal". We are expected to fall in love, get married, get pregnant, have a baby- this is normal.

We were those people in the first group. We would often talk about "when we have kids..." and we would often talk about who are kids would be like- until the day we received the devastating news that we could NOT have children biologically. Wait, What?!

What do you do with that news? cry?- check, be angry?-check, think "that's not fair, that's not the way it's supposed to be"-check check. All of these thoughts flooded our hearts and minds; however, we unexpectedly did not stay there long.  For us, we were quickly reminded that we live in a fallen world. We live in a world that is broken. We live in a world full of sickness and disease. How in this world could we ever "expect" things to happen as they should? Who's to say what is "normal"?

We are a family of faith. We strongly believe The Lord is very capable of allowing us to have a biological child despite what the doctors have said to be so; however, we also know that adoption is the example that The Lord uses to grow His family! Adoption is a beautiful reminder of the gospel. We feel beyond a shadow of a doubt that adoption is what The Lord intended for us all along.
 This is not what we expected, but we have learned to expect the unexpected and we are beyond excited to see where this "unexpected" journey takes us! Please, join us!