So we are still waiting....
For all of our family and friends that are following our journey, I want to post an update on where we are and what we are doing! We are in the "waiting to be matched" phase. This means we are waiting for a birth mother (from the various agencies we have applied to and through contacts from our consultant) to choose us as adoptive parents for her child. This part is very challenging to us because we do come across situations that we have to prayerfully consider before agreeing to have our profile shown to a particular birth mother...in essence, we choose her and then she has to choose us back! We have many things to consider such as cost, drug exposure, continued contact with the birth mother, ect... When we agree to have our profile shown, we are committing to following through with the adoption if we are chosen. We have had our profile shown twice already; however, both times the birth mother chose another family that she connected with- and that is wonderful! We stand firm in our trust in the sovereignty of God that He will orchestrate how and when this child will come into our lives. We know that when the time is right, the mother that He already knows, will say Yes when viewing our profile! We find rest in that truth! We are so thankful to have friends that have traveled this road before us that can give us encouraging advice such as "we got several no's. It will be hard, but remember if it's a no, that's a greater blessing than you can fathom right now. It will only make sense when you have your baby in your arms"-From my dear friend Lilly
We are actually going to be presented (for the 3rd time) along with other families, on Friday 4/24 to a mother due in August. If we are chosen, we will absolutely be excited. If we are not chosen, we will say, like the times before "okay then, we just keep waiting". I don't say this to sound like we have this all figured out and make it sound like it's not difficult. It is a bit of a sting on our pride to hear we weren't chosen; Herein lies the battle, on one side our selfishness wants to say "why not us?, we would be good parents. what about our profile isn't good enough?" on the other side, we have to keep reminding ourselves that we are not in control of the situation and we can't make a mother choose us...only The Lord can do that and so we must trust and wait! It is not an understatement when people say adoption is a roller coaster of emotions! We have experienced joy, excitement, doubt, fear, disappointment, worry, peace and thankfulness in the few months we have been on this journey and we know all of these will continue until the adoption is complete and maybe even then?! We need you to help us along the way...to ask us how we are doing in the waiting, to ask us if we are trusting the Lord or struggling in unbelief and then pray with and for us when the answer is yes, to both!
In other news, while we wait, we are planning a fundraiser!! We met with some friends last night to talk about our vision and goals. It is not new to learn that adoption is expensive! There are so many costs that we just don't even think about. Most people think that birth mothers get paid to give up their baby...this is not true! This money does not go to them...at least not in the way you would think. I want to share with you all an example of average expenses and fees with domestic adoption through an agency...
Home study- $1000-$2000
Application- $250-$650 depending on agency
Agency Fees- $10,000-17,000
Documentation & Authentication- $800-$1200
Interstate compact processing- $1250.00 (this is for when you adopt out of state)
Birth parent expenses- varies depending on the needs- this includes rent, food, transportation if needed ect (this is the category where the mother does get financial help, but it is living expenses for remainder of pregnancy and usually 1-2 months post delivery. Avg.- $4,000-7,000
Average total- around $30,000
Why is adoption so expensive you might ask? well, the big chunk of money goes to the agency and we have to remember that the agencies are a ministry. Some of them may make a profit, most of them, this is their full time job, but these agencies are there to support women who want to give life to their unborn child. The agencies that we are working with are most concerned with the well being of these birth mothers. They are ministering to them, loving them, and guiding them through some difficult times. They need the resources to be able to minister to them well! As far as the other fees, there isn't much we can do to bypass paperwork, documents and legal fees.
...and so we have to find ways to raise money to be able to bring a baby into our family! More info on our fundraiser coming soon!!